After Christmas

This was a bit of a different Christmas for us, and by that, I’m thinking of the weeks preceding Christmas.  Christmas eve and day themselves were all quite wonderful and normal, at least as normal as normal goes in a Family missionary Home where you spend your time giving and reaching out in at least a dozen different ways for a good solid month before Christmas, and where you then meet and match different traditions and customs, ideals, wishes, dreams, and the “something new’s” of the 20 plus people who call this great house “home”.   Anyway, more about how we did that this year later…

The weeks preceding Christmas were quite different for us. Normally Darren and I are quite used to giving to others, reaching out, brightening lives, bringing smiles and living the magic and message of Christmas. This December it seemed the Lord planned something different for us as we walked through a number of “sorrows” and painful things.  

Our son Evan got bit by a dog on his wrist while we were on a trip in Mexico. We were so thankful that it was only as bad as it was and not what it could have been. Nothing on his body was permanently damaged. We spent a number of hours praising the Lord for His care and that He was so good to us in not letting it be worse. Yet even so, it turned out to be an experience that tried us quite fully as we helped him through ER and the needed medical care, stiches the myriad of shots, precautions, and the care of his wound which got quite badly infected anyway, even after all of that. It was difficult for us to watch him go through that, and even to feel that I was a part of inflicting the pain as I cleaned his wound or administered shots. My wisdom and judgment as a parent was tested and I wondered and hoped so many times that I was doing the right thing, making the right medical decisions for him, giving him the best care I could. Whatever I thought I was tough enough to endure myself, I know I am not tough enough to endure through the life of my child. Still, I only feel thankful, it was an experience that was chock full of lessons and strengthening of spirit and faith for both us and him.  

Somewhere in the middle of that, I also got into a car accident. I won’t lie; it was a sobering and somewhat frightening experience. –Also kind of hard to go through right before Christmas. The mixture of joy at being alive and saved along with the fight against discouragement and condemnation was something I’d only ever heard about before, and I have to say that in spite of it being hard to deal with, I’m thankful I was able to experience it.   Immediately after the accident I felt very much like George Bailey in the last five minutes of “It’s a Wonderful Life”. But shortly after that darker feelings seemed to cover me like a cold wet blanket, and I have to say that I could also relate somewhat to George Bailey coming home to his cold house after everything had gone wrong, and I felt compassion for his moments in the bar, the bridge …  

There were other personal battles too. Some hurts to deal with, some pain, some personal confusion: Things to rise above and overcome and praise my way through. 

Maybe becuase of these things, I had to shelf a lot of plans this Christmas. I wasn’t able to complete some things I had begun. I had to admit that I didn’t get to some things, and I dropped some balls along the way. Even though we still did what we could; the kids attending many Christmas events and activities, caroling, and singing at hospitals and senior citizens’ homes, sharing hugs and smiles and “Merry Christmases”.   I wasn’t able to scratch everything off my to-do list or do as much as I would have liked for others, especially those who I love and appreciate so much and who I know deserve a lot. Being the way that I am, sometimes that’s just really hard for me to deal with. I had to spend extra time reading the Word, praying and praising just to combat the spiritual fights that were mine to face through these things.

But I learned a lot personally this December that I don’t think I would trade for having “got things done”. I have enjoyed more simple things, like breath, my loved ones, my very forgiving, supportive, friends and loved ones who I live with, my mother, my supportive, caring, husband, the very sight of my children, their need for me whenever and whatever time it might be, a Savior who is capable of giving any kind of protection, miracles, and salvation I need; every messy, disorganized, imperfect, and wonderful part of life has shone more brightly for me. Life is really a wonderful thing. It’s the best gift ever, and to think He came to give it to us eternally, and abundantly, and then added to it freedom, forgiveness, and joy unspeakable…  

Christmas day I also happened upon some news articles and read about the conditions and plight of women in Palestine, the literal birthplace of Christmas. I’m so deeply saddened by what the poor people of Palestine face, and especially what the pregnant women are facing and dealing with. Their hardships are almost unfathomable and I’m sure that Jesus’ looks down on them with very special compassion and love, like remembering his own mother and the conditions under which he was born, and the slaughter of babies that soon followed. I spent a good part of Christmas day feeling spoiled, wealthy, and praying for them; asking the Lord what I can do to help and what He wants my prayers to be for them this year. Yes, those reality checks never fail to give a hand in jerking things back into perspective.  

So this has been a different Christmas for me. One in which I think I got more than I gave. It wasn’t what I expected or necessarily hoped for, but I’m pretty sure it was the walk with sorrow that made this one special and memorable.

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