I caught ‘em being good

After my kids changed into their play clothes this afternoon they dashed out the door in a hurry to play, leaving their house clothes lying all over their bedroom floor. Ella came into my bedroom to ask me if I could help her get a bandaid for her foot. I did, and then I asked her to call her brothers back to pick up their clothes.  She nodded and left my room. Five minutes later she opened my door and peaked her little red head inside my room and said, “Don’t worry about Evan and Emmer coming back to pick up their clothes Mom. I did it for them.” 

As parents I find that it’s so easy to point out and dwell on children’s lessons and the areas where they need growth. I often find myself talking to another parent and highlighting their weak areas, saying something like “My son does ‘this’ and really needs to learn ‘that’.” I think it’s because I feel bad about boasting about all the good things they do, how well behaved they are most of the time, how they strive to be obedient and well-mannered, and how considerate and kind and selfless they are. I worry about other parents thinking I think my kids are better than theirs, or that I am a better parent than they are. Of course all kids will, like adults, always have trouble spots and something they are working on. But I fear that my peers will think I’m a boring “bragger”, or by pointing out the good things my kids do and strive for that I will seem like I’m more proud of the parent that I am than of my children’s efforts to do and be good.

Of course I know that child-rearing experts say that you should always speak well of, and never criticise your child in front of others or in front of them. So I’ve been pondering how to onvercome my fears, and yet validate my children’s efforts, and praise them by speaking good of them in front of others.

Evan recently made a comment that helped me realize how important this is. I was driving them home from visiting some friends when I thanked him and his brother and sister for behaving so well & having such pleasant manners, when he said “Thank YOU for thanking US! It sure is nice that someone noticed how hard we try.”